Thoughts
I want to write about three things:
WorkAt work,I'm juggling between Boss1 & Boss2.Boss1,where I started off as a typist,I can say I no longer merely type.I'm writing and analysing for his chartings and statistics obtained from his questionnaire and from the graphs plotted by yours truly.Boss2,where I am doing accounting for his company.
Boss1&Boss2,father n son,as mentioned earlier.
:) I'm v.happy.Working in related field and good bosses and SUPERB place(both).Journey...agh.Far.
Music-EssayJust had discussion with supervisor.I'm back with Haydn!Can u believe it?ahahha!!I'm reading endlessly and writing endlessly only to have supervisor crop it and I'm re-doing,re-redoing and re-re-redoing it!Actually,I like it because I can see it heading somewhere,essay getting better and sharper,more focused and with substance.Andd...I think my lecturer simply loves where it is heading....GOOD!!!
Dressing upI have had comments from friends that I dress down before.(From guys,too-Many a times,unfortunately).And I see pretty hot ladies/babes walk pass me by and I see myself in my pants and jacket and think,er,something is wrong with me?And I wonder...
Actually,I don't see the need to attract unnecessary attraction at unnecessary occassion.But,rest assured,I know I can look killer HOT as and when I want to.ahhHAHAHAAHahah!!!!(What am I saying?Self consoling issit..hahahaha!)But,I really really really don't see the need to dress UP.I don't need pretty attire to get the respect,dignity or any sort that I deserve.
I can wear nunnery attire and STILL look attractive (AND: regardless of age)
Thad shud cover id. ^-^ FARNEE fahney tots...
Malaysia's National Day
SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA!
Wahh..public holiday.....I dun have... :(
hehe..
Bliggy Bloggy Blugger
7.10am.Tuesday morning.Will be 2 months since I have arrived.How time flies.
Sometimes,I get lost in the midst of time and begin to wonder what am I doing here.It gets pretty mind boggling when one is own companion most of the time and have total liberation to dwell into the self excessively.So,it can be that I would be extremely happy,or,the other way round.(nah,I'm just exaggerating?)Just thought of typing something out since it's so early and I don't have to leave early today.Thoughts not worth typing.
I believe in karma.Cause and effect.Conditions and becoming?Cycle of birth and death.
Okay..getting more bizarre.
Sometimes I wonder,I used to work too hard?Flashback on my ways of life seems so mechanical yet fulfilling.The satisfaction derived when one looks back and see what one has achieved and what has been prepared for the following journey..is sweet.Then,I wonder,do I get so focused with wanting,that I often neglect the most simplest things: relax,communicate and appreciate the moment?Another crappy thought.
My fingers work hard.Without these 10 sticky thingamalig,I think,....I'm lost.ahh...
I got a short email message:
"hi teacher how are you i am fine . this is my email address i hope
teacher will always send me some messanges thank you i miss you"
I miss the you n the other kids too.Adults seem too serious & narrow in thought and perception,it's sometimes hard to bring any message across.It's most of the times,'definite' and less on 'possibilities'.Like,things-are-the-way-things-is-because-it-is.LOL.(I wanna say,'U sure?')
I've got strong connection with 'Lindas'.haha..Another person of the same name called me up and I'm looking forward to a really interesting meetup this sunday.Over the phone,she talks incessantly & enthusiastically(sounds familiar huh)..and the good thing is;we are in tune with similar thoughts-Piano playing,our personal strengths and weaknesses.Probably,my first new found music friend here :) What will happen this Sunday?Wait n see...
I pray we all learn to like living our own lives.....we're so NOT contented,are we?What am I complaining about?Wowee..bloggy mood and plenty of time for thoughts to wander....another one!
Things I see and think
Flowers- Exceptionally breathtaking.I will buy some,one of these days.Then,contemplate on the undergoing decay.....process of..u know what.Where I am these days,the fear-of-death is strong.What can I say?Just watch and be.Then,I see how things fall into perspective,how relationship strengthens and appreciated.Small things seem more important before.How fragile we all are.
I hope to make sure that every single person that comes across my life and has made an impact in me,that I treasure and ensure the message is brought across clearly.At every stage of my life,I meet extraordinary ppl whom,I've learnt to be part of their life,though,short as it may seem,but I hope,were worthwhile and meaningful.I realize that I have grown to have the ability to be accepted in families,extended families and friends amongst friends and that I make sure I try never to take advantage of the situation
ever.The trust I obtained and was awarded from the people around me shall I treasure and keep as if it were my own, if not,valued even more.
It is at times like these where I sometimes wonder,who is the next person I will meet?Then,I wonder,what is this life I call my own?People come and stay around me for a while,then,move on separate routes later.I guess,in this bus journey of life,I'm meant to have the only available empty seat next to me when the bus seems to be full and that my fair neighbour should go off at the next awaited stop ever so frequently.
Speaking of bus,I'm late for my bus if I keep on typing.
Blig Blog Blug
Mm..after so long.
Date: 27/8/05
Listening to: Salsa
Dearest Journal,
Now, I can say that things are more or less ‘settled’. It’s like ‘Alhamdullilah’ ‘Sadhu’ ‘Hallelujah’ feeling! Just excellent.
Every Saturday, I go for West African Drumming class. The palms of my hands are bruising and I’ve got a cut, out from nowhere. But it’s good to drill samba rhythm into me coz I’m always forgetting it or just cannot get it. Boss2’s place has a congo and he allows me to play the congo when no one is around. (most of the time, when it’s nearing after work). So, I get to practice as well!!
Wonder if by playing the congos/west African drums, will it hurt my fingers’ nerve and hence, won’t be appropriate, since I want to further improve in my piano playing as well? The piece I’m working on (Haydn Gypsy Rondo) is much more relaxed than Beethoven’s ‘Ghost Trio’. I think the ultimate piano playing for me will be jazz….. where improvisation abilities and memorizing systematic patterns is almost foreign to me.
My WAD teacher took a year off to West Africa to learn the drums from the SU-SU ppl. I like his playing…fuiyoh….his drumming skill playing. Last week, he came in with bandage on his fingers..too much drumming! But, I wanna get the sound like the one when he hits/slaps the drums. Mine is so ‘shallow’. Teacher says that it takes years to get good slap (lol!!good slap!hhaha!).(I'm practicing slapping..let's hope I don't practice it on ppl/students/children!!lol!!) That’s why my palms are bruising….I want that sound not just the rhythms! But it’s always easier for the guys….in piano playing as well, and guitar and whatever..saxaphone… more powerful,stronger & daring. Agh. But I think the female counterpart beats in terms of sensitivity, feel and gentleness.I should also mention that,it's amazing during the 18th Century,the ladies were the exceptionally fantastic and competent piano(harpsichord/clavichord/pianoforte) players.But it's the composers that becomes household names.But, I like Bartok, whereby his compositions are nothing much of the lovey dovey pieces, rather, more drilling and repetitive rhythms.Heart racing beats.
Ok.That was Saturday's blog.
Bridge over Trouble Water
My Pa's song. :) SING IT ONCE MORE!!!
Simon & Garfunkel
Bridge over Troubled Water
When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Whoa..long blog
Date: 19/8/05
Okay, finally decided to blog lenghty again.
Now, it’s not much typing work in boss’s place but more statistical work, charting and graph. Figures and analytical work feels more close to home now. And fingers are not pounding away for hours anymore. There. That’s what has been happening to me lately. All good work.
I was just thinking of ‘nama glamour’(glamourous name) given to ppl at work just for ego’s sake. I was once taken as a ‘finance analyst’. Wah..so glamour. But actually, the work is so-so nia. As much as I would like to take pride in my work in the past as an auditor and finance analyst and, oh oh, in biggie names like BIG four and MNCs….I would also like to acknowledge the wonderful opportunities as a kindergarten teacher, piano teacher, A Level math tutor, data entry clerk for logistics co & liquor co, children’s physical fitness centre Tumble Tot’s ‘auntie’, FGS temple’s dishwasher/kitchen hand, Uni’s market researcher & leaflet distributor. Now, typist. Soon, I will write a list of my biodata to put up in the blog. Suddenly wanna keep a profile of what I did and was involved in the past. Good things should be remembered & acknowledged. Besides, it really did happen in the past anyway.
Boss’s place (I’m calling him boss bcoz this is gonna be more than short term thing already… ^-^ ) Today, boss invited a monk to his place. Coincidently, I completed my work before the monk started chanting & giving Dhamma talk. So, I sat quietly in the room and chanted along verses which I can remember. Just too bad, the Dhamma talk is in Sinhalese.
Where I’m working, beside me is a ‘meditation room’. The Buddha image is the same one as in BGF and KCBA. The size, same as BGF. He has other images as well on a smaller table, like Hindu images, Jesus, Mother Mary, Said Baba as well. Like what he says, he also respects other religions. The usual, there’s flowers, candle, incense, mat, cushion… His garden, there’s a pond with ‘white calla lilies’ and among the ‘bushes’ (roses I suppose, without roses yet), sits another Buddha image. In the living room, I think there’s 2 -4 here and there.
So, no ‘curi tulang’/laziness from me….there’s always the ‘Big Guy’ watching…
Okay, explanation:
I will still assist boss in his thesis, but when he is in the midst of writing and analyzing his research (after my chartings), I will be sent to his son’s place. This, I’m going
tomorrow (yes, Saturday), which, I’m not sure what it will be like, but definitely, I’m sure I’ll be fully utilized..hahaha... they have my resume and knows what I can or cannot do.
All in all, I’m working for boss as he chairs an engineering consultancy company (and another translation course coordinator chairperson of some sort), in which his son is there, too. He has told me that he will keep me ‘occupied’ with work for a period of time until sufficient ‘local work experience’ to back my future interviews. From there, he will be my referee.
Italian LadyMy new found friend who takes the last bus with me at 7.45pm everyday. She is a small, gentle lady, who tells me about an unfortunate accident her son had 4 and a half years ago. His son met with an accident (hit and run) where the driver was drunk, hit into him and most unfortunately, hit his head. Hence, he is now paralyzed and could do nothing but blink. His dear mom, has been visiting him everyday and the travel involves 3 bus ride and 1 train ride. He was 30 when it happened.
Anyway, we were chatting about cooking. From an Italian lady, I’ve gotta take the opportunity to pick up the lasagna recipe from her. So, there goes.
Not too sure when a lengthy blog will come from me again. Next week, I’m with boss’s son placement. .Not sure whether I will be called to work on Sunday or not, like last weekend.
But work is good. I am not complaining.
Grateful
I'm grateful for....
-my boss who treats me so well,values my abilities and determined to see me through this difficult phase.
-my housemate who cooks excellent lamb and for being so sensitive,considerate and charming
-my parents for allowing me to be here
-this blog which I can crap about without much interference
-my MNG jacket& pants which I wear almost everyday
-my $7 pants I bought from Salvation Army
-my lecturer,who gives me the freedom to research on topics I am familiar with and would like to deepen my knowledge in
-my optimism,patience and self consoling character which enables me to go that extra mile
-the Buddha,Dhamma & Sangha
-my brother and sister
-Charissa & Joanne,who helped me in so many ways,no words can describe the support they have given me
-my tiny red bag and handphone,which is with me everyday
-my newly bought blue bicycle and the previous bicycle my hsemate has borrowed me for so long
I'm grateful.Regardless of what others say.
Great Ladies
Behind every great woman is her bum.
Reason
Everything happens for a reason.
What do you say to a person who,in 24 hrs' time,will go for chemotherapy?
What do you reply when the person asks you for assurance,'Do you really think I will be allright?'
What do you do when you realize that health is the most valued treasure in life,and yet,it
will be taken away from you sooner than you think?
I will pray for you.
Misc/Typist
It's friday already?
Last Sunday: Uni Open Day.Spent the whole day listening to performances by students,lecturers.Understood a little about the proper flute playing,voice,learnt a new chinese instrument-Sheng,ethnomusicology-saw an Indonesian performance ,Jazz
& Stage band performance,piano&flute ensemble,Strings quartet.Spoke to lecturers about possibility of esemble on my side/non-assessed practical/performance.Outcome highly unlikely.For now,it's still majoring in musicology/pedagogy for me.My supervisor pleased with my topic,wants me to major in Classical.Considering.
Discussion with Lecturer
My 3500wds needs re-vamping.I think I'm down back to about 1000wds.Scrap Haydn.*phew!!*-but I know it's to supervisor's disappointment-coz 18th century is his major of expertise.Now,my focus have steered to 19th century,Btv.My whole thing is 10000 words.(heard,towards the end of my course,1 thesis can go up to 40000 words)
Employment
Firstly,I didn't get 2 jobs which I went for interview.I was pretty devastated,then.
Secondly,I got a casual job,*which* I'm v.lucky to have bcoz there were other enquiries for the same position.
What casual?
Yesterday,I spent the day working as a typist and I am called to work today as well.So,this entry short one(going off soon).As I was typing,I cannot help but remember the days at work in audit.Sad to say,I keep remembering that spiteful comment from a colleague when he sneered/jeered/ sarcastically laughed at me when I helped our firm's(my ex-firm)typist during a particular season,called the 'peak period' after her work hours.I remember my senior saying,'pls type this for me',and something about his expensive time cost' and implied to me that 'this kind of work is definitely not something he will want to learn as it does not add value to his learning curve'.
What good does one get by demeaning one for the purpose of inflating the ego of another?What good does he get by putting himself a level 'higher'..nothing but ego inflation & over valued self-worth.But,guess what?I am a casual typist!Although it's not a long term job,but:
1)I'm typing a thesis for a PhD candidate who has had decades of experience backed up behind him over the years.He was involved in WWII as an aeronautical engineer/then,towards a degree in engineering,later on,masters in education and now,his doctorate.He travelled from Sri Lanka,at one point,was in London & now Aus.
2)His topic: "Problems faced by SriLankans (in some areas,cover asian)Skilled Migrant in looking for jobs in Australia" where I now know,97,500 PRs will be issued by 2006,result from an increase of 20,000 expected successful applicants(look at the competition??)
3)The pay is good(mostly bcoz of his generosity,not the mkt rate) and I work hard.
It's late now.I've gtg.My point is:Do not underestimate any jobs.My 'employer' likes my typing skills and he has offered me accounting jobs with his son.But all those is uncertain,definitely,especially since his thesis speaks volumes.
His Buddha's altar......magnificent.Later.
Matheson Library
Two things(and quick one): Matheson Library and Flowers
Matheson Library
The resource is HUGE & extensive.From physical books to infinite(well,just figure of speech)database in the online resources,microfilms(which,I find pretty handy for library stockkeep)in the multimedia & listening room(which,I think is crappy-not as good as Melbourne Uni's),headphones on the multimedia computers,one huge space for workstations(for laptop ppl to use wireless).
Places to highlight-
Postgrad section(1 floor dedicated to this,shared with rare books collection & sofas for casual reading?).This place,only able to enter with pinnumber-so I dont'have to wait in cue for computers!And the place is 'comfy',equip with a PANTRY,ample reading space,printer,LOCKERS...just for postgrads.
But, I don't hang out here as often as:
Multimedia Section
Shelves of Manuscrips after manuscripts after manuscripts!!!Then again,this place has headphones,so I had to be here.(But,I still think it's not as nice as Melb Uni!haah!)But the use of microfilms certainly opened my eyes a bit wider.Hehe..got some 'theses' in my hand.....for references..nothing much.lol!Initially I thought,it's only manuscripts?No journals/books/theses/writeups?Only then,I discovered the books section..waliaoo..
West Wing section
It's a huge space with just WORKSTATIONS.Wide workstation & powerpoint for each.It feels like office (on larger scale, like EY-Menara Milenium)just minus the ppl.Totally quiet and wireless connection.
Books section
Just books,shelves after shelves after shelves of music books, in Fourth Floor.(I don't know how many floors there are,maybe 5?6?)At the end of the shelves,there's a row of table and chairs.So,my readings can be done there.
On top of that, for Postgrad students, if the book is not available,able to request for delivery from other uni.I have mine requested from Melb Uni!hehe.So,there's also delivery docket section, the asian studies section, the newspaper archival section,lecture rooms,discussion rooms.
So, this is Matheson Library. I'm here,like,6 days a week MINIMUM.
For now,I'm in the Postgrad section.
Ok.Back to work.
-----
Flowers
Oh...and flowers. :)
Roses, Daffodils, Sakuras, Daisies.....it's ALL OVER!!I plucked some roses to put in my room. FLOWERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...just mersmerizing.Makes my grocery shopping more 'enjoyable'.
Notes
48 hrs to go before submission of framework.
Words completed: 1500words - 2000 words
Key words:
Beethoven(1770-1827),Countess Erdody,Ghost DMajor&EFlat Major,Op.70.No.1 &2 Piano Trio,Napoleon and French revolution 1809,Haydn's death,Imperial Kapelmeister from His Royal Majesty of Westphalia,Deafness1801,Heiligenstadt Testament,Bonn&Vienna,mid Btv,Pastoral Symphony,Baron Ignaz von Gleichenstein
Letter 195,To Baron Ignaz von Gleichenstein"Please make the whole statement
refer exclusively to the true practice of my art in a way that will suit me...The introduction states that I have been offered in Westphalia, that is to say, 600 gold ducats, and 150 gold ducats for travelling expenses, and that I shall have nothing to do but to conduct at the King's concerts, which are short and not very frequent -I am not even bound to conduct an opera of my own composition -It is clear from these conditions that I shall be able to devote myself wholly to the most important object of my art, namely, the composition of great works -and I shall have an orchestra at my disposal too.
NB. The title of member of a committee of the theatre should be omitted- it would only cause bad feeling- As to the
Imprerial services, well, I think that this point must be dealth with tactfully -
and certainly not so as to suggest that I am asking for the title of Imperial Kapellmeister- but purely with a view to being able, by means of an income paid by the Court, to relinquish the sum which these Lords are not going to pay me. I think that this point might best be expressed by saying that I hope, and that it is my most ardent desire, to enter the service of the Emperor, and that in this event I would immediately draw a smaller sum, namely ,smaller by the amount of the income which I should receive from His Imperial Majesty-
We must have the document at noon tomorrow, for we must then go to Kinsky- I hope to see you today." - Ludwig Van Beethoven
Memory
Listening to: Isaac Albeniz-Guitar Trio
Readings: Beethoven,Haydn,ChamberMusic,PianoTrio,Romanticism & Classical period
Ah!Interesting!
Just went for a memory test conducted by a Postgrad dip*like me* psychology student and was put into this 'cubicle room' with a headset and computer.Was asked to pair words that pops up every few seconds,recollect the words as it pops up and the cycle repeats 3 times.
Now,the interesting (and for me,I find it most amusing)part is:that I scored full flat in the first testing itself!In her test so far(about 14 participants),I came up highest because none was able to pair all words correctly the first round.I'm not trying to boast here but I'm just saying,there's something wrong!!!
The only reason I can come up is:visualising the words.i.e. GAS-KING
I imagined the king farting.HAHAHA!!Easy.The other pair which seems impossible to visualise is POOL-TEETH.Now that I'm typing this,yea,actually,can visualise grandma's teeth floating in the pool.
Upekha(gal's name-SriLankan)agreed on visualising.So,the power of imagination is beyond words..ahahha..
But this testing still doesn't answer my life long worry-Why am I so forgetful?Another friend,EK,mention that it's because I don't take heed to unnecessary items not worth remembering.*Which at times,can lead to recklessness*.He is right,to some extent,because,sometimes,I'm just lazy to remember when someone else can do it for me,or that I am able to track it down,i.e.material forms like 'manuscripts,webpages,books'.This is because it clogs my mind.
I don't want to remember so many things.Ask me to quote AASB/MASB,I'll ask u to refer to the accounting handbook,probably can quote you the page number,the best I can do.Ask me to memorize a music score,I'll get u the score.Ask me anything,I will get the appropriate reference/contacts/resources for you.
That's why I blog.Ask me what happened last week,I'll require you to read the blog.
But,what I remember is,the look on so-n-so's face,the feeling I get when I play/hear/express this song/story/topic/character,the happenings on who-n-who's life,the setting of an environment,people around,from the start-middle-end.Rely on instincts?LOL!Expressionism.....Monet..Debussy...Songie...hahah..
Just tot of typing this down.Food for thought.
Mumbles2
Tomorrow career fair in Uni-Sports Centre,getting my resume printed today.Followed by Flute & Keyboard lunchtime recital & anticipated meetup with Linda.
Friday,volunteered to be a research participant for a memory test(15mins) by another grad dip Psychology student.Have always been intrigued with my short term memory.Fill in the other gaps-"reading&writing".Fateful date of submission of framework:Monday.
Mumbles
Looking for a job.
Reading,reading,reading.
Now that my blog has become less 'mine'.I want it back.Shall not type for the benefit of others but for myself and intend to maintain the originality of thought.
There.
Beethoven is such a great man.Where do I even start to write about him?Just can't stop reading and reading and reading.What worthy thoughts can I write especially so when my readings are simply not extensive enough to justify?From history to politics to geography,personal,publishers,works,patrons,theaters,operas,massive compositions.....his letters....and it's only one composer alone.
Will start typing tonight.Beethoven's part.(preliminary stage)
Hesitation
I have been hesitating whether to blog or not today.Finally typing in.
Long weekend.I went for the People Outdoors camp from Friday evening to Sunday.As I have already mentioned,I participate in the camp as a volunteer to help out in assisting the disabled.
This particular camp,I was assigned to D,in which,I would say,need moderate-to-high level of personal care.Don't really feel like going into details.In short,I am okay with the whole deal.Somehow,it's not only giving from my part,but rather,receiving as well?She showers me with affection while I work on the other physical needs.The weekend kept my mind off worries for a moment as well.
Tiring?Definitely.Stoned out today.During camp,I get to go on the flying fox(120mtrs length,probably 10mtrs high),the giant swing,archery,scavenger hunt,low ropes course,etc etc.I must highlight the giant swing.It's really GIANT.One can go as high as 10mtrs and swing from one end to another.This camp,the giant swing is located at the end of a slope,so,when one swings,it feels as though you're being swung off the cliff.
D has been an obedient girl throughout camp.No tantrums,so,it's good.Of course,to attend to her every needs takes a lot from one carer.What makes me go for these kind of camps?Somehow,the satisfaction derived is indescribable?I cannot explain.
On a more realistic way,the weekend off to do something worthwhile is probably why I was there.The last time I went for camp,we were reimbursed for the expenses spent to go for the camp,so,I hope they practice the same thing as well.Just need to be honest,a bit of allowance will definitely help.Not too sure,since they have changed management.Even if it's no longer practiced,well,at least,I got the weekend of lodging,food and fun.
Take good care,D.Be good girl.Have you heard of cerebral palsy?She has got that.Epilepsy?That as well.Ever taken your legs for granted?She needs help walking short distance.Long distance?Needs to be wheeled.Able to eat on your own?She needs to be fed most of the time.Ever felt helpless?That's her-full swing.
Now,can you start to appreciate how lucky you are?
