I'm insane
Blig,My mood changes like the weather here in this country.Skejap hepi,skejap moody,skejap crazi,skejap gloomy....apala...! Meditation practice really not there.Hardly lasts a couple of breaths. Say,5, then, I get restless, and then, start wandering off again.What is thiisss.... ?! However,at work, concentration, tip top condition.Sometimes, I even think that I have so much I want to do at work,I don't even feel like going home. Yea, these are the pangs of a workaholic. I don't deny that I am one.I sometimes feel I don't work enough.
Anyway- tat's just crap-the paragraph above.Whinging mood.Partly coz I am reading up on China's communism era.Food for thought,and it is definitely influencing my feelings a lot.I think about it often.Making me feel bit depressed over what had happened.And, I admit,I don't know much about history.
On a separate note,I had just gotten a comment from Ad for not having his pic on my blog April-Memories. LOL!Ad,u're in my tots from time to time- lah. There are a couple of friends I fondly reminisce and feel grateful for.(Ppl like u,bk,fm,my,....always 'around' *hugz*) There are some friends whom I deeply miss. There are friends whom I come to terms that,long distance really pose a problem in maintaining a strong and close friendship.Then-came the age-old words of wisdom:
Life moves on...
In a very harsh way,realistically speaking, dad used to jokingly say, "out of sight,out of mind". For some, it's quite true.But those whom had left seriously strong impression tend to linger on for quite some time into the future.Perhaps, these people will consider a re-visit/meet-up again in our later stage of life.Who knows?This, I leave it to the law of karma and let it work by itself. Self-examine: At least,I know that I have tried my best to offend as little people as possible, and to make an impact onto as many people's lives as possible.My deep regrets?For not being able to stick around;be by my parents' side as often as I should have, as close as I could have. A feeling which, haunts me, and stays with me as long as I'm away.. no one to blame, no one is in the wrong either. It's just the way of life, different lives to be lived. Just like the migration of heaps of chinese abroad during the old days - ie,taiwan, malaysia, singapore....
Perhaps, I'm digesting what I used to quote: Home IS where your heart is,and never where you are.
The book is seriously making an impact...the power of literature..
Labels: Contemplative
posted by Songie @ 5:40 AM
6 Comments:
u'r really going to go nuts if u keep on reading those kind of books...haha:)
Yea..tell me about it man...I am really going nuts..but I just want to finish the whole book.I'm just halfway there. So,studies...will have to wait for a bit...not good huh!!! Even gonna ask dad about family history soon!! ^-^
then u going to ask questions like "y am i not in the family tree1!??" **runaway and hide** :)
Songie: Heya! Sorry to have messed u up. Don't take it to heart la.. HAHA! I was merely pulling your leg and disturbing u la!
MY: I know your family treee... Hahah! The Soongs and Quays don't exactly spell the same :P
Hi Feichai! Hheehe..nola, u didn't mess my tots...my tots are already messed up!I knew u were j/king la..but then put me into tat contemplative mood.
One more thing,Ad,u've got half the story about 'not being in family tree' -something which MY knows.
Fyi, in my dad's family tree, we've got a ancestral book which dates back to the imperial era- and,u know what,it's all based on the number of SONS..lineage only.So, rightfully,dear dad has only 1 child (son) in the family tree. :(
song:thanks for clarifying that:)
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