Everyday Thoughts

Meditation

"'One of the minds' behaviour during meditation is to fall into laziness.In other words,'sloth & toppor arises'".This was one of the first few things I heard from the briefing on satipatthanna meditation.All I could think of then,was "Quick!Let me begin,I just can't wait to start!Let's just get straight to it!"

All in all,what I thought to be,a 10-5 meditation,in quality-my concentration did not last more than half and hour.Alas!Was pretty blown away with the understanding that I lack the willpower to overcome & instead,succumb to watever,at the minds' will.

What a downgrade!What a contrast to my previous noting/awareness session during camps,& occassional visits to SJBA few years back.Somewhat,realizing that I am not as sharp as before.*of course,there are good meditation times & not so good ones like this one*(but those were 1 hr session as compared to this-whole day thing!)

I started off with walking meditation.Pretty good.That was where my half and hour of good concentration lies.I noted & noted & noted & then,started noting the heaviness in my tummy.Then,it becomes,indigestion & becomes,thoughts of 'how I should not have eaten roti planta in the morning'.Then,I couldn't walk anymore as I broke into sweat & wanting to sit down(v.badly).I was whining!lol!

Stopped complaining the moment I sat.Comfortable immediately.So comfortable,I fell sleepy instead.Let myself doze off when I shouldn't have.Coaxed myself to concentrate so,I was in between "concentration-lazy-sleepy-concentration-lazy-sleepy".All I did was 'okay,try again'.Then,before I could remember,I was already nodding away.Then,'sigh.try again.'

After lunch,walking meditation again.Not as mindful as before but,somewhere there.Wat is supposed to be 'noting',becomes 'chanting'.Mechanically,I just mention for the sake of mentioning-"lift(feet),down,shift".Only when I started noting "leef,dawn,sift(or something like tat)"I realize,I wasn't concentrating anymore!agh.

......
It's good to go for a session with a group of yogis(*practicing meditators).Just by looking at them encourages me to continue on.Of course,good thing,I don't have problems with sitting long hours as compared to previously.Now,it's just the awareness which I need to build on.Or is it,because,since I wasn't aware of all the sensations,it then enables me to sit for long hrs?LOL!

I get easily tired.Came home in the evening,went to sleep.(mentally,thinking that I have over-exerted myself..when all I did was sit?!)There,was juggling between reality & dream.I'm worrying and worrying too much?Or just plain lazy.

Will try again.
Oh yea,one good thing for the day- I didn't give time to think or worry.So,tat's a plus plus point for the day.It's only,noting & drowsiness.
Maybe spend a day-try again.

posted by Songie @ 11:29 PM