Everyday Thoughts: October 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

December 06 Holiday 1

Picciesss...ah...another year almost ended. And I'm uploading pics of an event which happened 11 mths ago...how time flies...

Labels: Vacation 06

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Sigh

Dear Blig,

I've been mindless chicken recently. I hope to repent. I'm sorry. Really really sorry. With mindlessness,comes all sorts of nonsense playing through my head. Mostly nasty ones, not really nice ones. I still want to be 'nice' :) Regardless of the consequences.It's a principle of my life which - I want to keep. And I hope I succeed.

Other things:
Yesterday, I was surprised to learn that my Gd 8 has plans to quit. She says that she couldn't handle the pressure and dislike practicing.The first thing I asked her was,is there something about my teaching?' ;) Phew,glad it wasn't. But I still wasn't pleased with the news. Not liking to practice is not good a reason enough. I said all I could,and I hope this struggling phase of hers ends soon so that she is able to pick up and continue on.

She is barely 17. She is only 15! All I can say is, at that age, it's just lacking of discipline and she needs to build that up. :( I have to say, I'm not a happy camper.

I've got lots more to say at the moment. First things first- focus. Second thing, cheer up!!! Third thing, THANK YOU!!! Hugz

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Direction

3 Weeks Countdown

1)Stop watching TV after dinner.
2)Try not to think of nonsense in between idle time and the real world
3)Time n again - pls don't lose ur mind. You've been 'wandering' aimlessly a lot these days.
4)Discipline!!! Where are has it gone to??
5)Focus, focus, focus....just for these 3 weeks, just focus!!!

Pray, Song.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Events

Blig-

Events playing round n round in my head:

Sad farewell to colleague S
Mixed emotions,partly, her main motive of leaving..is it really family pressure?If yes, I truly feel for her.Is it because of career advancement,if yes, am I her obstacle?Why can't she n I handle it? Life is cruel as you step up the corporate ladder.It is a harsh world..or rather,man made it harsh.Afterall, in life, we DO feed off each other and not fight off one another.But why do we make life so? If one thinks about it, it's utterly nonsensical having the feeling of superiority and seniority,....erm..actually,I think I take my words back.LOL. Life IS somewhat competitive too..haha.I'm confused. There you have ethics, on one hand, moral lessons and what not, but on the other hand, you see something somewhat utterly different.Why do we teach our children lies? That everything is a bed of roses? Or not? Weird.

Anyway- everything moves on. It doesn't just stop there. We mourn,but for a moment.Like the song, 'why do the birds go on singing?..etc etc' There's no why."See things as they are" .....profound concept....almost impossible to comprehend. For me,at least.

Yesterday,before I fall asleep at 930,made a statement,something like, geewiz,I do get tired easily,lately.N remarked,U must b working hard. Like a pin drop,it just hit me. Not exactly working hard,but thinking hard.I saw one of my x colleague get sacked when his wife is due to deliver somewhere Oct,this mth, 3 mths ago.Incompetent.Easily replaced with someone who was able to.Me. Hard to swallow,but work goes on,I took on the task like breathing. Not my fault? How do I handle this? By doing nothing. And sometimes, nothign is the best thing. But the thought lingers....

At every moment, there's bound to be a goodbye someday.Getting prepared for every event is no longer a practical solution. Accepting the truth of impermanence just seems too hard to apply despite it sounding so easy.What do you do?Nothing. Sigh and move on. In fact, dont' even sigh...for that sigh will keep you wanting for more,yearning for the event,relive it in the heart, played forever in the mind again and again like a broken record.

What do you do?Meditate? HA.HA. The older one gets, the harder the practice becomes....the accumulated broken records....my my.... Imagine a 80yr old meditating,Mr K for eg.He must have been doing it for AGES to get to where he is now.And he still does, every evening.How many ppl can do that? I'm near 30s and I'm already slacking in the practice.

So, what do you do? lol..... you keep yourself occupied with little mundane things like watch a movie, type a blog, keep healthy, eat some chips and life does move on.

Just a little entry worth letting go.Let not,the thought linger...

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Off my Chest

Blig,

Sudden thought -to ramble on n on. Suddenly worried over me losing my 'identity'.Then,thought again, what identity? Well,I'm not exactly sure. Anyway, one thing for sure is, I do love music. Was so excited just now, came home, watch 'So you think you can dance'..MAN...they are AMAZING!! The way those ladies move, and the men dance.....leave me in awe. I just hate the fact that this show is on thursdays when I tutor....lucky thing for me today, it's school hols and I get to WATCH the show! I loved it!!! I wish I can stay watching it till the end...but...guess I've gotta buy the 'dvd'/show after the season ends. Lucky thing is,I still get to watch Aus Idol on Sundays....and their voice is -STUNNING.

Now that I've got my voice back.And by the end of the year,I will have a heavy load off my shoulders....I'M GONNA SING!I'M GONNA DANCE!I'M GONNA MAKE MUSIC!!! After the show,I was just so inspired,I had myself play the piano for an hour. Not much,but, wish I cld make more music. I am tired of just reading off the sheets. I'm aiming to memorize these new pieces..or rather,ol' classical pieces.I'm working on Mozart in Sonata in D and Chopin's Valse at the moment.Easy pieces,but my fingers are so rusty..I just am dissapointed with my stamina. The digital piano ain't helping much either...the touch is just not there. But, at least, something my fingers can work on.I'm gonna start writing out all those songs recorded in my kawai.

Ooo,..reminded me of the ballet I watched with YQ(cuz) when she came to visit somewhere in Jul/Aug? YQ,THANK U SO MUCh for dragging me there.I have now become such a cocoon....am so lazy!! Just not inspired, not, motivated, not anything.I'VE GOTTA get this end of the year thing off the way. It's eating me alive.

This morning, mgr brought K and I to the retirement villages,ILUs and n.h. At times,I think to myself...why am I so upset that I feel so underdressed?? Then I realize that I am just stressing myself out of nothing. Why do I have some kind of inferiority complex at times when it's just MOST inappropriate? There's nothing wrong with the outing today,I loved it!! The place was great, we had good chat w the finance team, Sm &K ,they were great! I am glad I'm working w such wonderful team...but it's myself I've gotta battle with. The personality is just not 'there'.Then I wonder, what happened to my comfortableness under my own skin? Boy,what am I whinging about? lol!! Just so confused at the moment. Need time to clear the air....just something different to the normal routine, messing my whole system!! haha!! Which is a good thing actually.

I guess, this second half is just sooo eventful. Too many things happening, hard to keep track. Even emotionally, it is pretty much very volatile. I'm just glad the trough is over and I'm sure it's the 'picking up' times.... what happened to Buddhism? Second half? MMm...slack. Buddhist wannabe- totally. I need to pick up again.Music, Accounting, Tutoring, Buddhism, Read books/novels, EXERCISE!!!... okay, throw in some travelling and spending/shopping as well.

Self Assessment:
Why do I feel 'tired' all the time? Lazy bum. Became a BIG BUM. Get the ass moving and go to the GYM song, u idiot.(learn all these wordings from Smn too much!!haha)
Moody? I need to get this second half out of the way.It's draining me dry...I wanna have fun next year.2007 is just so draining. Lack happy-ness, lack smiles, ---
too much whinging
Best explanation?Been too self absorbed this year. It's all about mEEeee... feel like punching myself now. lol.... there's other ppl u know,Songie. Go and catch up with all ur friends u've been slack in keeping-in-touch.What happeend to Wabbie? I need to get my life back. :) :) It's just the xAM in the way. Go away Nov 7!Or rather,COME ON OVER NOV8!!

Okay, I'm just getthing things off my chest. Everything harmless.
Okay, happy now. Ah! KAMBATEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KAYAUUU!!

Everyday Thoughts