Sunday, March 27, 2005

Standing in the eyes of the world

One of my student showed me this song that she is supposed to play for her school's choir performance.How awkward,the lyrics seems to say things to me as she sang it out loud.

Ella (Wah Idris & David Gates / Habsah Hassan)

Pahit getir hidup... dan pengorbanan
Terpaksa dihadapi, demi kejayaan
Terdidik sejak mula, tabah berusaha
Tanpa cuba melangkah, tak kemana
Di mana kau berada
Pencapaian tak tiba dengan mudah

( korus )
Kini "Standing In The Eyes Of The World"
Hanyalah selangkah dari nyata
Keazaman membara dijiwa
Menanti saat bebas merdeka
Tiba masa kau melangkah gagah
Bersemangat ke arah matlamat sedaya upaya
Engkau terunggul
Wajar "Standing In The Eyes Of The World"

Harapan yang pernah terkulai layu
Kembali segar mekar bawah bayanganmu
Setiap manusia ingin berjaya
Namun tak semua miliki tuah
Engkau menghampirinya
Kesempatan telah pun tiba...

Can still her her 'singing' in my ears.Thx,Irina.

Saturday, March 26, 2005


LOL! Been thinking of typing this story out quite sometime already but just always forget.

At work,as usual,things are getting pretty steamed up already and colleagues are just working,working and working.In the midst of all the work,one of my colleague turned his head,looked at his watch and without hesitating,remarked "Wah...4 million already??"

Another collegue then reminded him,"hay,have u worked till you lost ur mind?It's 4pm,not 4 MILL."
Wakakaka!!I still cannot stop laughing everytime I think of this!!Hahahaha!!!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

The person I call 'me'

Thoughts: Always random.Questions ppl's behaviour and makes loads of internal comments(okay,most times,I verbalise it out..hahaha)But mean no harm,really.

Plain ignorant,blur,naive and idealistic.For every one of the character mentioned,it's a -ve point all the way.Try level best to be smart,sassy,'singmok',with 'commercial sense' but having really difficult time dealing with it.Not good.

Likes to care for others.Makes me feel needed.Making everyone else's business my very elite group gets special attention.These elite group,well,take full advantage of me and I'm still blur.erm,tat shouldn't be right.....right?!

Have habit of telling ppl only half cooked story.The rest-go figure.

Spend most time filling up hrs with stuffs,which,at times,to point where physical self cannot handle.Don't know how to sit down and watch tv,although,wish to. ?huh?

Enjoy writing,emailing,typing,conveying information,communicating.Kepoh.Like to know watz happening to ppl-my friends who are dear to me.Kepoh.But not the kind of kepoh about whats happening to hse next door.Have absolutely no interest.

Find life interesting.Too interesting,I go off balance.Like the taste of everything,bit of everything,jack of all trades,master of none.Get me in trouble most times.Not happy about this.But don't know how to focus.

Okay.Self assessment.Done.Time to improve.Will read this again for inspiration to get a solution. typing..hahahaha time to sleep,songie.

Holiday Trip

Mm.S.Manager sarcastically commented on our trip up to KL-Damansara-Mont' Kiara the moment we reached back to office.("How was ur holiday trip?") Hmm. *ignore*.

Have an interesting day today!Met loads of ppl to catch up.*smiling again* Met Ad,JC,Joice & Samantha(saw from car),ML,Joanne,May.Waliao. :) It's work + keeping in touch.Especially a day from office,away from all the chaos. ^-^

geez.I forgot what I want to key-in already....yikes. Cannot recollect-thoughts again.

Mm. Thx to Ad for the map,really help a lot.This person can really draw a detailed map...almost like the one u have in your "Klg Valley map-booklet".LOL!It goes to show how vividly a person can remember locations,landmarks and the uphill/downhill/slope/turning twists and turns.And,it's KL,geez!I don't think I can draw tat well.And,don't think I follow instructions well either...coz my colleague & I got lost somewhere but somehow got back in track again!But,I love the drive.Somehow,needed the long drive. weird.

Wat else?Agh.Still cannot remember.
Oh yea.
Another thing that made my day.Thx Elaine,for really thoughtful testimonial.She wrote so beautifully,I cannot imagine she is referring to me.So funny,we hardly talk serious and I feel that,there's always some kind of communication-interference between us.Hmm.Conclusion:We hardly say what we really think,do we?

It's already almost end of March.Time is running out.I have submitted my 2.5 weeks' study leave today.I'm sure to be called in tomorrow for serious questioning.
Time is really passing........
There's so much I want to do,so many ppl I want to meet,children to say my goodbyes,and official stuffs to deal with.Had my teeth checked last week.Next appointment on monday.

Suddenly I want to write about ppl.All those near and dear to me.
Where do I begin?

Beautiful day,I don't want it to end.
Okay-type another one.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Bubble burst

There.Sent in my resignation letter from teaching.

It's difficult when one puts in "kan ching" into work.That's how I am feeling-to be parted from all these kids/teenagers whom I have been 'hanging out'with every weekend.
And,the management thinks it's easy for me and hinting on how I shouldn't have chosen this route.It's not easy and no one is backing me up on this decision.Sometimes,I'm even doubting myself.Actually,most times,I'm doubting myself.Boss just spoke to me just now.I don't expect much.This is like the way I'm feeling when I quit my job as a kindergarten teacher!!So de-ja-vu!!

Sometimes,I don't know.Boy,do I complain a lot. Agh.AGGHH.
Don't ask me why I'm leaving.Because I don't know.

Bro asks me.Dad asks me.I'm asking myself right now.
I'm not getting younger too.LOL. :) :(

Who do I turn to? .... thinks.....thinks again.....
I'm so crazy.

Thursday, March 17, 2005


Just came back from dance class.Today's class is so fast!Lol!But could catch up.Still bit kayu/wooden.I watch my dance moves and think that I'm still not 'dancy' enough!I get the steps allright,but tat's it.It's just steps.Rhythm allright,but the "feel" for the dance-nil. Think that's the way I play my piano as well.I get rhythms and love rhythms.But,music appreciation?Hmph!I just love counting,don't I!hahahahahaha!!!

Just thought of my studio.Today I got my stepsheets and a CD to go along with the dance moves.Good!Next time,in my studio,there will be community dance classes weekly.Maybe outside the place or upstairs.Maybe I won't teach this,but,go through first few rounds,then,someone else will teach to another,then,to another,another..etc.And,it's for all.....everyone!Anyone!! ^_^

I would like performances on-going at my place.Once a month,or once a year..I dunno.But,always performances!!!Not from me,though!(well,not all the time)haha!My students,maybe,my friends,maybe,my dad,maybe,sis.Just music jamming/sharing session!

Choir!!I want choir.Carolling,maybe?Christmas event,maybe?
Oh yea.I need to soundproof the place.Definitely.

I want to do all these NOW!!!But,all these gotta wait.I still don't know enough.There's so much I don't know-who am I to teach?How do I even qualify?
But,always!!Always!!music to inspire, music to enjoy,music to share,to listen.To carve many many smiles.Then,I want music to support my life.And give my life to support music for all.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


2 incidents happened separately but want to jott this down.

Last Sunday,happily meeting up with my students,the 3 sisters,11 yrs,10yrs and 7yrs.Really adorable kids,who never fails to crack me up,amuse me and make me proud.Used to feel really pressured having 3 kids to work with within an hour and a half and hoping they won't distract one another.But,hay,THEY work well together,assisting me along the way.So,have gotten used to their mischeviousness,tactful and witty comments. :) Better still,they're hardworking bunch.So,I don't have much problems getting them to finish up their homework and practice.

Anyway,last sunday,just thought I would test the waters.So,gave a short prep talk on how they should behave better,just in case,in future,another teacher teaches them and not me.Then,they look at me,kept quiet and ask me why.So,I said,'wat if,next time,I won't be teaching U any longer?'The youngest,always ever genuine in her actions,was pretty upset,wanted to say something but didn't know what to say.After a while,she replied angrily, "wo...wo...wo da ni aa!!".(i...i'll beat u!!)...
i just didn't know wat to say.It was out of her frustration that she blurted out those words and it was also because she didn't know what else to say.I was speechless for a while.

Dealing with children..they're a totally different group of ppl.They get attached...put in genuine care,trust,love and you're their best friend-for life.
They're very true.
:) :/ :(

I was giving replacement classes as usual just now.Then,I got a phonecall from another student.This week is school term holiday,so, I wonder why she is calling.She actually called me at 8pm to ask me why is the school not open for exam?!?!?!??!?!?
SHE DID NOT ATTEND THE EXAM LAST SATURDAY!!!!!!!aghhh.I cannot believe what I was hearing.Had to remain calm to tell her that she missed her exam and that was why the school is not open.The exam was last saturday 830 AM-morning.Sigh.And,she is already 13 yrs old.

End story.

In my daughter's eyes

Singer-Martina Mcbride
Lyrics-James Slater

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Student's exam see my students sit for their exam.

I thought this round,I would be much more relaxed than the previous sitting.How wrong is that! The anxiety as a teacher is not lesser! See students sit through paper,called their parents to check on things and then,after exam, go through a post mortem by calling again & seeing how the response were.The nervousness is different from the nervousness as a student. :) Ah.I tried my best.(Like the way my teachers have relentlessly drilled works into my stubborn head & I still,sometimes, failed them. *blush*)

Just this evening, I revealed something to my last student in class. I told her that I won't be teaching her any longer ,not now, but in near future.LOL! This is so ambiguous!Anyway, stick to the story- was not easy to say it.Not easy for her to take it in,too. And, I have many many other students waiting for me to read the same speech. In due time, in due time.(one-at-a-time)

*SOB SOB* .....AGh.Grown so attached to these many special kids who made my day every weekend/day. Whom have given me countless smiles,laughter, respect & dignity. (not to mention-worries,high blood pressure, anger & frustration!LOL)It's not going to be easy for them and for me-definitely.

I have done my part.Their final exam in which I have seen them through.
(for now)

Friday, March 11, 2005

late night


Nice to end the day with a blog.

Today,things have finally picked up.Moodwise,I think.I should do some justice to blogging after such long time not actually stating what has been happening.
Work is just piling up(duh,mentioned so many times!)and I have counted the days!Ever since chinese new year no stop!And,that is already 1 month ago.Phew!

Watz been happening besides,work.Okay,tomorrow will be my students' exam-so,this whole week,after work,been rushing for classes,giving them extra tutoring,bringing papers to the car and marking them in between lunch time/worktime.LOL!*nah,it's not tat bad*But,have been giving many extra classes.

So-much-so.I have neglected my own classes-theory & dance class!:( Did not go for class this week.Next week.Next week,I'm taking wed half day off...but by the looks of it,I'm supposed to go up to KL on wed.Let's see what happens.

Last wed,in Mont Kiara,everything just went haywired by evening.agh!I was feeling frustrated & all,carrying 3 huge files,a bag & a laptop to my car.I remembered where I had parked my car-E2.Then,went to Basement2 and walked along E2 corner.Went from left to right,and then,back again.Couldn't find my car.I know that I'm quite forgetful,so,I remember telling myself beforehand:**okay,this one,u cannot mess up-REMEMBER!E2!!*Heavy files,laptop,not helping.After few rounds,I got pretty worried.Actually,VERY worried.Thought that I have lost my car.

As it is,I was already worrying over work,there was the 'missing car'to add to the day.Wat did I do?Called a friend(Dan) up(who happens to work in MontKiara).I could have easily seek help from a guard actually,but called this friend instead.I was not 'mobile'so,it was difficult to move around.And stuffs I was carrying-well,client's stuff.Sigh,cut story short-tx a lot for showing me that Basement1 has E2 as well.(AGH! DUUUHHH!!) :(

4 weeks have passed = work & work alone.2 weeks on KL client,1 week in office on misc clients and 4th week on mont kiara client.Feb,2 resigned.March,3 resigning.

OKAY!On a happier note: today,asked pa out for lunch!! ^-^ haven't talked to him for more than a month!Sis came with him and we had japanese food.Ah goody.I'm glad to be in office for just a day or two.Keep me there for a while more pls!!

Tomorrow, big day!Student's exam!!!All the best ya.Do ur best.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

early morning

:) :) yippee.enough sleep.kekeke.

Been to Mont Kiara for 2 days this week.Beautiful place.Very nice client.Had such a treat!The office "suites",looks nice-but cramped.Somehow, the setting is all so nice but office space is so limited. to another client's place in plaza damansara to wait for my s.manager pick me up to go Mont Kiara.Then,it's wed,there as well.Then,dread thursday because s.manager is supposed to see my work by then.AGH.But,good thing!Did not have to go in until next week.Phew!So,thursday,really really did not do anything at work.Tired out so,stared at my work for the whole 8 hrs!kekeke.Then,went home right after work time & had good sleep.

Oh,figured something out at work yesterday.LOL!Networked a chor dai dee game with fellow colleagues.Yippie!!Will play tat during lunch today.kekeke.Trial run was pretty slow coz,everyone was busy with work in between the game (after work hrs dudes!!)so,we had to wait for one another to put their cards.

It's wed tat I was feeling pretty heated up due to work(thurs,so-called deadline mah)....soooo wanted .....throw letter.
So,the remedy to this is: just get more than 8 hrs sleep.Things will be fine!


Monday, March 07, 2005


Just thought of typing something in today.
Been only typing in once a week & thoughts come and go.
Many things have been happening.I'm supposed to go & teach soon,replacement class for these few kids.Their exam...soon.soon.So,better get them ready,or at least,assure that things will be okay before exam.:)

Mm..what else? Well,meeting new ppl now.So,that's a breakthrough also.I think this year,I will meet more new ppl along the way.Pray,I meet good ppl.So far,so good.
Yesterday's orphanage session was fun!Many came out of their shell this time round.Then,all of a sudden,I realize that,even,by just meeting up with this same group for the past 3 weeks(1x3),I feel a little 'bonded' with these few kids. agh. Not good sign for me if I were to leave them soon.But,in actual fact,it's a good thing rite.Not only are they comfortable with me around,it's the same for me as well.And, the *agh* thing is:we actually bring in 'sensitive issues' into our weekly discussion(personal thoughts,I mean).-which- will make me much more mooshy & ,er,do u say,emphatatic?is there such a word?

I love sharing sessions,definitely.But,somehow, have learnt to 'close up' after some time as I grow up.Why huh?Mmm.Some kind of protective shield,maybe?I dunno.Maybe due to the past?

What else have been happening?For one,time passes really quickly this time.I'm counting down every single day,& looking at the dates pass me by.Scary.Always,plotting,planning,scheming.Scared stiff.

This is gonna be a ReAAlly bizarre thought:Relating to death.When one gets very attached to something, it is tough to let go.No matter how hard one tries to 'ignore'
that feeling.I 'think' when death is about to occur,I may feel so hurt,devastated & confused.Why?Because I cannot understand or comprehend what is happening,and at the same time,much to my surprise,little do I expect the incomparable LOVE of LIFE itself(at that point of time).That is so tough.
No wonder,I hear of ppl saying that we ought to meditate of death.It will make the fateful journey so so so much more easier.For others,the reliance on GOD to see it through.No matter what the method,use it.

End of this month coming.Next month,study break for almost 3 weeks!yayy!!Can't wait!
What do I want to do? Sleep.Open up.Talk.Meet up & talk.HANGING OUT!!!I want to spend time with ppl..................................................before I not have the chance that often anymore.

Okies, time to go teach.Typing mood today.Will type some more later.